My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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