Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
