can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need to sanitize my soul.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
