I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
