hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
