I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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