awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
barbara walters just said penis...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
