Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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