I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
