she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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