I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
