when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
