Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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