..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
