oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
