Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
