That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
