I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
