and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
