If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
