This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
