so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
