and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
