I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
