the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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