I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
