Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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