So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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