She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
