you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
