Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize