I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
