Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
