I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize