I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
