just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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