he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize