I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she peed on how many people?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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