they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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