I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
