Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
