I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
