I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
