i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
