we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize