happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
