dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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