you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry about my life...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
