Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
