It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
