I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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