This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
