I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
