nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
