I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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