i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
one two three fourrrrnication!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
