i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
