You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
