i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You need a sexual gate keeper
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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