toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize