like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
