We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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