so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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