go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
